July 1, 2015 Walter R. Palmer, a Minneapolis dentist and all-around ass-hat, payed $50,000 to pump his ego and kill something that couldn't defend itself. The victim was Cecil The Lion, a protected lion that lived in the Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe, and wore a radio tracking collar.
Apparently Palmer & his guides went to the edge of the park and tossed meat to the lion, baiting him out of the protected space so Palmer could shoot him with a bow and arrow. But Palmer is such a douchebag, he only wounded Cecil. So he chased the 13 year old lion for 40 hours to put a bullet in him. He then went on to skin and behead him.
And it wasn't this guy's first time. There are countless photos of him holding the dead bodies of all kinds of majestic creatures. Animals that his pale, hairless ass would have been absolutely no match for in the wild. You see, the catz believe that is what makes a true hunter. They don't hate all hunters. No creature on the planet respects the hunt more than a cat. But a real hunter stalks its prey on a level playing field, matching wits and reflexes. And a real hunter doesn't do it for kicks, they do it for food. Palmer is no hunter, he is a coward. An 80 year old woman on a walker could have done what he did.
Then, as if he didn't already look like the biggest piece-of-crap on the planet, he goes into hiding and blames everything on his guides. Like he's completely innocent, or too stupid to understand that you don't shoot things wearing radio collars in ANY country. Yet he is whining because his property has been trashed, and he's in hiding under armed guard. The catz say "YAY!" hope this ruins his life. It has certainly ruined Cecil's.
UPDATE: The catz recently spoke with one of Palmer's kitty-loving neighbors who asked not to be identified. She told them that shortly after the Palmers moved in, one of the neighbothood cats disappeared. The older lady that owned the cat was devastated, searching in vain for months for her missing kitty.
Sadly, it wasn't until this lady saw Palmer throwing handfuls of Temptations® treats (known as kitty crack on the streets) into his yard, and slipping behind his bushes, that she became suspicious.
The next day the lady knocked on Palmer's door to contront him. She expected to find his house full of kidnapped kitties headed for some horrible fate. What she found was something far worse than she could have imagined.
Ok, for the sake of honesty, only the catz refer to Treetop Cat Rescue as a comedy. It's really a reality show following two tree-guys that moonlight as Canopy Cat Rescue, "A two-man operation trained to climb dangerously tall trees to save desperate,stranded cats."
All the catz laugh at the very idea that ANY cat needs to be 'rescued' from a perch that they worked so hard to climb up on, but the Barncat was particularily vocal. He pointed to the fact that NO ONE has ever found a dead cat in a tree.
He reminded us that today's house cat is much heavier, and not nearly as muscular as their ancestors. So, the effort it takes for a house cat to climb as high as the cats on the show would be enormous. No wonder the men are met with less than gratitude when they get to the cat.
The Barncat's favorite episode features Malcolm, a cat the guys rescue for the third time. Barncat laughs every time he talks about it. The first time, Malcolm bites his 'rescuer' on the way down. The second time Malcolm climbed to almost 80 feet, thinking surely he was high enough to be safe. But he was amazed that they came after him again. When his 'rescuers' reached him, it hissed him off so badly he just jumped. The third time he knew these guys wouldn't give up, so he bailed from about 45 feet. But he stopped after he landed, glared at everyone surrounding the tree, and tried to give them the finger before running off into the woods.
However, the catz haven't missed an episode.
When Tim Berners-Lee wrote the code for the very first server/web client software in 1989, there was a cat watching over his shoulder. It was this software that gave birth to the World Wide Web in 1991, and changed the world.
When Linus Torvalds was writing the Linux kernel in 1991, he didn't have a pet penguin, he had a cat. This code is the beating-heart of clients & servers all over the world, and powers today's Android® devices
Yes, cats were there from the beginning. Coincidence? Not really. Cats are the purrrrfect companion for a computer enthusiast. Cats are self-cleaning (sort of), in a pinch they can catch their own food, and they don't require constant affirmation of self. Your opinion means nothing to a cat.
At first, a few cats simply jumped into the empty warm spot when the prophead left their chair for more Doritos® or Mountain Dew®. But once they got a look at the monitor, curiousity took over. Almost immediately they realized that they could change the way the new toy behaved by walking on the keyboard. It wasn't long before those cats knew this 'internet' thing could really catch on, and help advance their ultimate goal of World Catification.
In October 2014, an anonymous cat drew a self-portrait in Google Maps using a 'trail' function that allows users to contribute hiking paths and trails to the maps.
Because it was drawn near Hobson Bay in Auckland, New Zealand, it stayed on the map for several days before it came to Google's attention. Cats all over the world purred contentedly.
Even Google was surprised by the cattiness of the security breach, and vowed it would not happen again."We where aware that cats were trying to take over YouTube, but we didn't realize it was extending to Google Maps. We are looking into this." - Anne Baxter, Head of Communications for Google in New Zealand
Several years ago, a clowder of cats mounted a campaign to take what they considered to be their rightful place on the Monopoly® board.
They recruited cats from all over the world as they lobbied for something that they all believed should have been their's from the beginning. Finally, in 2013, Hasbro relented and replaced The Iron, which was one of the original game tokens introduced by The Parker Brothers in 1935, with a cat.
Are you constantly removing spyware, malware, and various other 'warez' from your computer? Do you live with a cat? If you answered yes to both questions, you may be the unsuspecting victim of a very large, powerful organization. Your cat may be distributing feline propaganda from your computer after you leave for work, or while you sleep (remember, cats are nocturnal).
No one really knows what their cats do all night, and humans sadly underestimate the feline internet infrastructure. Cats insist their reach is worldwide, and their membership is in the millions. You could very well be harboring a secret soldier of the Cat Meme Mafia without knowing it. Yes, your kitty may well be a soft, purring, little subversive.
Check your browser history often, and change your passwords frequently. If you believe you have a problem, you can download PawSense®. This software will constantly monitor your computer for cat-like keystrokes, fighting against a totally catified internet.